Emotional Extremes and Epilepsy

May 2009


Abby is 19. Today we had her final IEP. Her teachers talked about how sweet she is, how kind and gentle she is. Then we had to focus on what is she capable of. She has poor stamina. She is not strong enough to open a pop-open can of chef Boyardee. She makes very few independent decisions, and require s frequent prompting. She moves very slowly. You would not believe it if I told you how slowly. So no, I do not think she is capable of work (not to mention seizures on the job). I see other handicapped people bagging groceries, and the like, and I think how fortunate are they, that they were skilled enough to be able to hold a job, and that someone loved them enough to train them and coach them. Unfortunately, during the meeting, I had a flashback of when Abby was normal. She was articulate, reading above grade level, and more independent than she is now. We absolutely knew grad school was in her future. You’d think after all these years, I’d be through with the grieving. But losing her potential is not a grieving can get over. I take care of her every day.
On the flipside, I have a 16 year old son who I couldn’t be prouder of. He is in a couple AP classes, and doing well. He takes fencing and skis in the winter. He is smart, athletic, and witty. He is going to be able to go to Europe with HS foreign language dept; France and Spain. He plans on going to WestPoint. (How ironic, me a pacifist, working for the VA, with a son heading to Westpoint)
I am not bipolar, but I feel like my life is. Such huge emotional extremes from my children.
This has not been one of my better days.
I will try to get back into the class this week.

I want to read Anne and Marge’s work, and give feedback. I want to do it thoughtfully, so I want to take time. in the meantime, I am also busy preparing for the next assignment . I am still studying Miki’s instructions on my last assignment. Actually, I’ve been through them all, just no time to rewrite accordingly. (for my own purposes, not for reposting).
I wish we had more than two weeks. I think by the weekend, I’ll be through this emotional turmoil, and will finally be caught up at work after taking a couple days of for family reasons. This class is one of my favorite outlets right now I’m sorry I haven’t contributed much lately.